KENYATAAN PERASAAN: Just because I feel better doesn’t mean I am better

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Just because I feel better doesn’t mean I am better

My real job now begins. I have to find land and build a life.

I suppose that’s why I still feel as if I am depressed. But I don’t think I am really. I’ve using the term "shell shocked" and it probably is still a good terminology. Until I find a focus on what to do next I’m going to remain floating.

Of course I’m being lazy about doing anything, but I’m still nervous about how I feel (will I remain feeling stable?) and I am distinctly nervous about making any sweeping decisions about my life given the way I feel.

I suspect if I had a spouse, they would have become annoyed with my wishy-washy attitude. My parents are beginning to think I am being tiresome.

I’ve been making lists of the things I can do, and the things I want to do. I have followed my feelings and that of others and aimed high. But at the same time, it is still difficult visualising myself doing these things. The wounds of the last decade have taken their toll and are manifesting as fears of competence and, well, just fears. I am having a great problem just starting…

so,anybody can help me? =(

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